Yoplait Plentiful Greek Meets Oatmeal Sucks

Yoplait Plentiful Greek Meets Oatmeal Sucks

Since I had my oral surgery, I’ve been eating mostly yogurts and soups. I’ve been pretty creative with grocery shopping and I’ve been trying new things.

Well, I decided to try the new Plenti Greek Oatmeal Meets Yogurt cups. They were utterly rancid. I mean, I have never ever tasted anything as awful at this yogurt. It was an abomination. Horrible texture, slimy yogurt, and the consistency of paste with a similar taste. How this product made it past the taste test, I don’t know, but what I do know is that if you Google it there are HUNDREDS of results from mommy bloggers. Surprisingly, each one is very positive.

Unsurprisingly, each one is sponsored by Yoplait. They must have hit up thousands of mommy bloggers, offering them a pittance of a week’s coupons in exchange for their sweet little lies about their yogurt’s awful taste. They constantly explain leaves them full and comes in great packaging, clearly reading from the same PR script they were sent as suggestions for what their posts could contain.

Yoplait effectively SEO bombed their own brand using mothers and health gurus through paid sponsorships.

I probably shouldn’t be shocked. But honestly, I work in video games. I don’t know the perils of food blogging. I didn’t realize moms were all basically taken over by corporations, spamming coupons on their tiny Blogspot powered sites. Mommy blogging is apparently a quagmire of sponsored posts, censored opinions, and product placement. What a depressing corner of the web.

And what a bad yogurt experience. Truly wretched. Yoplait, your yogurt sucks, and Yoplait Plentiful is truly awful.

You don’t have to pay me for this review, either.



Recipe: Chicken Lentil Soup

Lentils!

As some of you know, I’ve been experiencing some health issues lately that led me to a softer diet–oral surgery is no fun! As it so happens, I’ve also been learning how to cook better since January, prompted by having weekly dinners with my mother.

This means I’ve had a chance to get creative with what I eat and soup has become a staple in my diet.

Last night, in-between solo queue games of League of Legends, I ended up “creating” a lentil soup. I followed this recipe and modified its ingredients as well as adapted it to fit a slow cooker. The end result was extremely tasty, very filling, and pretty healthy considering it’s mostly garlic, onions, chicken, and lentils. You could also probably make it with other types of bases, like quinoa or beans, but I dig lentils so I kept that part the same.

1 tablespoon fresh garlic
2 tablespoons of garlic powder
1 tablespoon salt
1/2 teaspoon of black pepper
1/2 teaspoon of oregano
1/2 teaspoon of basil
1/4 teaspoon of thyme
1 cup chopped carrots
1 (16 oz) package of green lentils
1 large onion
1 can (14-16oz) of stewed tomatoes
2 cans (28oz) of chicken broth
6 cups of water
2 tablespoons of fresh parsley
2 stalks of celery chopped
2 bay leaves
1/8 cup of balsamic vinegar
1lb of italian chicken sausage (4 links)**
1lb of chicken spinach & feta sausage (4 links)**

1) Cook lentils for 20-30 minutes on your stove or until softly cooked
1.5) Sear sausages and quarter them if you desire crispy outside casings (not required)
2) Combine all ingredients in slow cooker and put on low for 8-12 hours

That’s it! It was really good and hit the spot plus it made enough leftovers for the next few days.

What I like about my slow cooker is that it lets me actually do other things, like play video games or work or basically anything other than standing in a kitchen bored out of my mind. Cooking always sounded really hard and I had a lot of childhood memories of my mom slaving over a stove so I avoided it for years. But with a slow cooker, I spend about ten to twenty minutes preparing something then I’m essentially done. I can’t suggest it enough if you’re like me and avoided cooking due to laziness before. They’re only $20-30 and they will completely change your life.

** You could use any protein, from pork to steak to chicken. I just chose chicken because it’s healthier and you can’t tell the difference after 8+ hours of cooking.



On the End and H1Z1

H1Z1 is a zombie survival shooter set in a virus ravaged world. As the infection ends, it’s up for people to fight the environment as well as each other for a life in their new, post-apocalyptic reality.

That’s what it’s supposed to be about, anyway. But for me lately, in addition to killing people, it’s been about breaking up with my long-term boyfriend and a beige house along Mosquito River.

The house I’m talking about sits unassuming on the end of a block, a road to the front and a river to the back. It’s a two story home with a large garage, its architecture both modern and turn of the century, taking heavy cues from the era of plantations and southern belles. It’s neither dark nor light, just a mixture of brown and white that blend to be somewhere right in-between. It’s the largest structure in the Pleasant Valley neighborhoods to the east, sequestered away on a car packed street that forms a grid which feeds into Avram Highway—a long stretch of busy road that runs to Bubba’s Truck Stop if you go to the end.

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The Absent Woman: Ubisoft and Rockstar’s Huge Oversight

When I first saw Zoey from Left 4 Dead, I was instantly sold on Valve’s version of the zombie apocalypse. Standing in an elevator, hordes of the undead outside, she turns to Louis and goes: “Game over, man. Game over.” Not only was she good with a rifle, she also was an Aliens fan–a character after my own heart.

This isn’t an analytical, introspective post. I’m not going to talk about ludonarrative dissonance or pretend I care about agency on some deep level.

No. This is a love letter to Zoey—and to those before her as well as those after. To Aya Brea, to Impa, to Lilith, to Claire Redfield, to Regina, to Kerrigan. This is about how they made me who I am today by simply existing and giving me something to aspire to.

Unfortunately, it’s also about how disgusted I am right now thanks to Rockstar and Ubisoft. How let down I feel. How tired I am of their excuses.

And how I’m done accepting them.

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In Defense of Lara Croft’s Humanity: How a Trailer Changes Everything if Gamers Let It

Lara Croft sits on the chair in the shadows, her face obscured by her hoodie. A man is talking but she isn’t listening. Her leg and hands twitch involuntarily as he drones on. He’s her therapist and he’s telling her important things, but like I said, she’s not really listening. She’s somewhere else thanks to PTSD; a darker place, a place with torrential downpour and arrows flying and blood.

Lots of blood.

When I was sixteen, I went to therapy and I twitched and I was somewhere else as well. And then I was diagnosed with PTSD–the flashbacks not of rainy cliffs and murdered men, but flashbacks nonetheless.

That’s precisely why I’m excited for Rise of the Tomb Raider which was announced at E3 today. I mean, in addition to the amazing gameplay, graphics, and unique story it will undoubtedly contain. I’m excited because it’s nice to see the series continuing the path on which it started in making video games’ first dynamic and realistic heroine.

At least, as realistic as a fictional character with infinite lives can be anyway.

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Hearthstone patch analysis for 1.0.0.4217

During BlizzCon 2013 last month, Hearthstone’s panel shed some light on the future of the game–promising more content and some important changes to cards like Mind Control. This week’s recent patch delivered a part of the package, seeking to balance some particularly annoying cards that are overplayed at both casual and competitive levels.But was it successful? Let’s break down the changes to these cards, how they will affect the evolving metagame, and Hearthstone’s progress as a fledgling entry to the esports scene. (more…)


OGN and 3.14: Sometimes it just takes Korea to prove that the sky isn’t falling

In a game largely defined by and closely tied to its competitive scene, playing 3.14’s release without any professional guidance was rough. Vision was thrown to the wolves, junglers struggled to adapt, and supports had no idea what items to buy after Relic Shield was quickly balanced. Even at higher divisions, games were chaotic blood baths.

It felt a little like the sky was falling–and that’s not surprising. Players had a lot to adjust to and no one to lead by example. It’s not an easy task. (more…)



Patch 3.14: A detailed analysis of Riot’s vast changes to the metagame for season 4

Any veteran League of Legends player isn’t a stranger to preseason madness–anyone played during the lull between the past two seasons still has flashbacks to the days of Black Cleaver and Warmog’s. But with a relatively calm lead up, featuring detailed explanations from Rioters on the game design team explaining every change and why they were happening, season 4 looked like it could work out for both the casual and competitive scene. (more…)



Analyze This: Heimerdinger and Sivir’s reworks

The recent League of Legends patch did more than just nerf some overpowered assassins as we covered last week.

In fact, patch 3.13 actually managed to fit in buffs to several champions including Heimerdinger and Sivir. Criminally underplayed, these two both had the distinction of being some of the Fields of Justices’ least liked characters–spending the entirety of season 3 gathering dust. Over the past few weeks, however, both of them received significant kit changes. Sivir even got a visual rework along with the changes, finally putting an end to her ridiculous moonwalking. (more…)



Why Hearthstone Matters: A Primer

Hearthstone took the gaming world by surprise.

When it was first announced at PAX East this year, people were disappointed Blizzard’s big announcement was just a card game. Fast forward to this Fall, however, and it’s the only thing gamers are talking about. Hearthstone quickly became one of the most popular games on the internet and a robust community sprouted up overnight. And, perhaps in the most surprising news, Razer even signed a professional Hearthstone player this October.

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